Some thing's been troubling me lately, this curious feeling of uncertainty, of thinking that life is going nowhere. Maybe it is just frustration at being unable to direct the course of events as I would like to, but surely it's more than that? It's this strange emptiness, of having no purpose, of staring at the unknown and fearing to go in there. I know that it is hard to throw of the shackles of past experiences and bad memories but sometimes they are so deeply engraved in one's memory that one becomes a cynic. It is hard to let go and take a giant leap forward and I am afraid I don't have the courage to do that right now. Even thinking of it disturbs me. It's not taht I don't try. It's just that I am fed up of trying so hard.
People may call me impractical and childish but I have always had this trust in God that He won't let me drift away, that He won't let me fall in a pit. I have heard lots of friends laugh at this notion and they quote several examples to tell me I am wrong. I don't know if it's just an ostrich like attitude on my part but I believe love is never reasonable and I love ALLAH. How can it be that He put His love in my heart and let me go waste? Surely not.
But, but, but! This world is ruthless, cruel and too pragmatic to be bothered with notions like these. The world pulls me one way, disturbs me and makes me a hopeless bitter cynic. My faith tells me that I can still hope and trust in Allah. He knows my difficulty and He will give me a way. No wonder I turn to hope. The world is a depressing little place :/
Faroha Liaqat
http://avoiceforislam.blogspot.com
Emptiness?
ReplyDeleteSuggestion
Write a letter to the "future you" to tell her what exactly you want from ur life, u u wana do next forty years u breath. A general objective or direction for remaining life.
Is it persusnce of shadows and desires? Dwelling in the past.
That letter must be long enough to state ur basis of conclusions,or expressions about the path u dont wana walk on.
The letter must not be published nywhere or must not b read by nyone else....otherwise it will have to be rational.
The very fact that it would be read or heard leaves many things unsaid in our minds and for all our life remains a part of our subconscious. They never get clear enough to direct our actions.
Write it clearly, however irrational or "childish" as u call it.
If u wana conquer something, change the way the world thinks, wana b a federal minister, feed all orphans of the world-What exactly u want to do in ur remaining life? n What is the first silliest way u find to achieve it. IT may not b practical-it will evolve time.
Only the direction must be clear.
Dont write it all in one day,write it over a week or more, tht ll give enough room for ur mind to think n imagine.
This is what I call throwing an anchor into a specific direction in d future...so tht later on waves may not be able to take u away.
Allah will not waste u with His love- but He will see if u waste his love...rendering it ineffective, not letting it powerfully brighten ur life
Faroha, Its all about optimization & the level of consciousness. Just look for the balance point. You are a unique identity on this planet, express it... but dont let any negative feeling overcome you. 'Control' is not easy to excercise but it can help in changing the world.
ReplyDeleteYes !! World can be changed, dont let its cruelty affect you. You have Faith, which is manifold stronger than Reason. Dont let it go anywhere, nourish it, love it. It need even more care than a kid needs. Optimization can dilute the difficulty, which is, more precisely, nothing but confusion.
Once again, superb write-up, so eloquent. Go on & stay blessed always
@ Anonymous
ReplyDeleteA very nice suggestion :) I may act on it sometime. I specially like your last sentence about us wasting Allah's love. It hit me as if I should guard myself against that. Thanks for the nice idea
@Daniyal
ReplyDeleteThanks for the appreciation