The curse of intelligence!

Strange, right! How can intelligence be a curse? It's the most sought after and admired thing in the world. Intelligence is money, right?

True. Very true. But let's look at it in one other way. Being intelligent also means you are acutely self-aware and self-awareness can be a curse. It tells you exactly what you want and how you want it.  That is a good thing but when you move from the professional to the social and emotional sphere, you are basically moving into grey areas. Society demands compromises - on principles, in relations, in friendships, basically everywhere. And when you are so acutely self-aware of the motives of other people; when you know why people are being nice to you and what they actually want is for you to fall down bare-faced into the sand, and yet you have to play your cards well and compromise - that's where intelligence sucks. It would be good if you cannot see so clearly past the facade but you do. It would be great if for once, you can actually believe some nice things people say to you. But in general, deep down you know only too well that this is all a terrific charade. And that's how intelligence can make you lonely. You disconnect from people and become emotionally detached. You tend to see everything that's happening to you from a third person's point of view. You cannot connect to people because you feel they cannot understand your thought processes, but strangely enough people connect to you.

This may all read like terribly self-propping and egoistic but that is not my intention in writing this. My intention is solely to point out that great creativity and intelligence is also accompanied by terrible loneliness. I have always thought that being average is a great blessing in life. Your life follows a certain path and is easier. But to be always the odd one out, to be always carving your own path and thinking your own thoughts - thinking without a pause, so much so that the mind starts hurting - that can weary your soul. It is a double-edged sword. You cut yourself as you cut through the obstacles in life. By the time you reach the end of your journey, the pain stops feeling like pain. Some burdens are meant to be carried by some people - fate chooses them for it. If you are the odd one out, I wish you luck and strength. Pray, because only faith can give you the courage to reach the end line.

Dr. Faroha Liaqat

http://avoiceforislam.blogspot.com

Miracles

Do you believe in miracles? I do. I have seen some, I have been amazed by the way events unfold. Life is unpredictable and sometimes, beautifully so. And after years, I find myself facing another miracle. Uncertain but a miracle for sure.

I keep thinking, are coincidences a thing or are things meant to happen in a certain way? Are we really going to come face to face with our destiny on the road we take to avoid it? Some things are too amazing to be pure chances - perhaps they are meant to happen.

People keep telling me everyone has a difficult life - you are no special. They are right, but then perhaps we all  are tried according to our individual tolerance limit. Life throws us so many questions sometimes and in my current philosophical mood, I tend to think that sometimes we have no answers. The answer rests with Allah only.

I am reminded again of the Ayat " Aur jaan rakho k Allah tumharay aur tumharay dil k beech me aa jata hai". So true, so true.

I feel keenly today the insignificance of my existence in this vast universe. We are nothing, NOTHING. Dust to dust. Nothing more, nothing less.

Dr. Faroha Liaqat
http://avoiceforislam.blogspot.com

I am a humanist; is it too much to ask for my rights?

So let's get this straight right at the start. I am not a feminist but I am a strong, independent, highly educated, intelligent young woman. I am a humanist. Period. Why is it so hard for some people, or may I say a large number of people, to accept this?

I am not here to rant against men - I would rather speak up against attitudes that some men and women have. This has nothing to do with Trump being elected as President of the United States, though that is an example of how sexism and bigotry is a norm almost everywhere. I used to think the West may not have such problems but the longer I lived there, the more I realized that people and trends are the same regardless of location. Men simply do not like strong, independent women who also happen to be successful. Of course, this problem can be disguised or suppressed in the developed world mainly due to a culture of political correctness, discrimination laws, equality and diversity, etc etc. The developing world has some of these laws but none of the enforcement. Result: a grossly misogynistic culture where a successful, single, independent, strong woman has to be suspected because she is such an anomaly in a patriarchal society.

I may be feeling the effects of reverse cultural shock. My years in Europe may have changed my thinking. I may be too highly educated and have a high moral compass. But there are many other men and women like me. What I don't get is when these educated people show similar orthodox tendencies. Why are women such enemies of their own sex? Why do men see an intelligent woman with a mind of her own as a threat? Why is being traditionally conservative a virtue and originality of thought a sin?

I realize that the world is not black and white; there are good people everywhere. I am just writing about tendencies which are there, despite decades of progress and education. I despair sometimes of these prevailing attitudes, though I see a silver lining through the clouds. Either I am a misfit in a traditional society which I choose to call home and love despite its faults or I am too naive to admit that some things just don't change. It does not matter if a woman is intelligent enough to beat most of her contemporaries - she is still a woman and is expected to compromise and bow out of the race or at least accept that she will not win. There is nothing wrong with preferring family over any thing else - indeed, I do it myself. But it does hurt when you are judged solely on this ability and you see men of much less ability being able to get away with almost every thing.

As I said, I am a humanist. I believe in a balance of rights regardless of gender, location, ethnicity, faith, etc. It is clearly too much to ask in Pakistan. I will always be judged on my age, sex, family status, ability to compromise, etc and not on my capabilities, intelligence, efficiency. If I am in the West, I will probably be sidelined in a few places because I am not white, a Muslim, an outsider and a woman who follows her faith. There are too many stereotypes and too many fault lines and there are days when this oppresses my spirit. However, a fighter fights his/her way through and I am a fighter and a rebel. Always have been, always will be.

Dr. Faroha Liaqat

http://avoiceforislam.blogspot.com

Pakistani Society: Morals vs Materialism

Sometimes I wonder what kind of a people we are turning into? By "we", I mean the Pakistanis in particular. Make no mistake - I love my country, absolutely love it and there is no place that gives me more happiness. However, I am sometimes amazed at the recent change in the attitude of the youth here. So much materialism, so little value for character! I belong to the same generation and yet I find such a widely different viewpoint in most people few years younger to me. Maybe my years of travelling abroad and living in Europe have made me wiser - some would say I have become an idealist. However, as the years pass, character and morals become more and more important to me. I am not swayed by materialistic things as easily as I see many people affected around me and it saddens me greatly.

I have left a job in UK recently because it made me unhappy - miserable even -and I felt Pakistan was calling. This was a step that I don't think many people would have taken but I made the gamble. Back in Pakistan now, I am dismayed by people's attitudes - all they want is to move abroad, by hook or by crook. I do understand the lure of foreign lands, prosperity and travel but what saddens me is the extent to which people are willing to go to achieve their ends. There is no decency in any argument unfortunately and God forbid if a girl chooses to argue! The older generation was more polite - the current one is losing manners (not all, I hope).

I do not regret my decision to be back for now but I do wonder about the future. Travelling changes you and places change you. I am a very different person than the innocent, shy girl who ventured abroad to study 7, 8 years ago. I think independently and have strong opinions; I value character and honesty; and I hate hyprocrisy and duplicity - something that made my workplace miserable for me in UK. I see a lot of duplicity around me. I don't understand the need of invoking Islam at every point when you don't let the Deen seep through to your heart. If faith doesn't make you a better human, you are a lost soul and there is no need to pretend otherwise. Maybe it's just been a week and I would change again, though I am very much afraid to be disillusioned by the changing place that is Pakistan nowadays. Progress is good but it need not be at the expense of decency.

Dr. Faroha Liaqat
http://avoiceforislam.blogspot.com

Coke Studio Pakistan: A Symbol of Our Growing Nationalism

It's been a while since I have written anything and this post is prompted by a recent discussion I had with an Indian music critic of my acquaintance. Naturally, we talked about Coke Studio, a phenomenon that has taken over the Sub-Continent for the last many years but recently more so. My acquaintance pointed out this article to me written in the Express Tribune (http://tribune.com.pk/story/1165475/justice-and-remembrance/ ) and asked my opinion about the growing "misplaced nationalism" (as he called it) in the Pakistanis, giving Coke Studio's recent seasons as an example. I do agree with some parts of this Tribune article due to my thinking that a failure to protect citizens from blatant, senseless murder should not be sold in the garb of sacrifices made for the nation and I am glad that a growing majority of people in Pakistan now speak up about it if Pakistani media discussions are any indication. However, as a Pakistani, I understand and endorse the cause for celebration Pakistanis generally feel for all the good things we have seen emerging in the country in recent times after the turbulent decade we have been through - no matter if these reasons come from arts, music, writings, drama, film or anything distinctly ours, overtly Pakistani.

It is hard to explain to someone who has not seen this himself/herself, as this is a side of mainstream Pakistan rarely reflected in the media. We Pakistanis own our lot with a heart that flows with pride and we celebrate the good news with a fervour that borders on desperation. Coke Studio is a case in point. The nationalism we see being exhibited in Coke Studio is something we see everywhere in Pakistan these days and this is not state-dictated - it is felt and shown by ordinary people, particularly the youth. I do not remember young people from ten years ago wearing their patriotism on their sleeves and celebrating their identity in such a way as now and it warms my heart. This pride and sense of belonging is rampant in the Pakistan of today, from the political rallies of Imran Khan where people from poor to upper middle class to elite backgrounds dance on national anthems; to watching our home grown TV channels, be they news or drama, with Star Plus as a distant memory of the past; to thronging our cinemas to watch mediocre local movies just because they are ours; to our celebration of PSL T20 which had us hooked and screaming in delight; to our wearing of clothing showing anything Pakistani; to grown up men and women crying unashamedly while singing the national anthem in the Qaddafi stadium last year when cricket came home; to our celebrations of any positive news we see about Pakistan.

We are a strange people. I have never seen any other nation laughing at their own mistakes and faults and cursing them as much as we do and at the same time, we are so much in love with our identity. From the discussions with your fruit wallah to your colleagues to friends and family, this "owning our faults and strengths" is such an undercurrent in our conversation. We just love to own anything ours and Coke Studio is a huge symbol of "us", the us we want to show the world, the us that is mainstream. That is why we love it when we see the tagline "Sound of the nation" and well up when we hear "Sohni dharti" and "Raah e Haq". Coke studio is not just catering to the populist sentiment - these feelings are shared by many people in our music and drama industry, a fact that shows itself when stars like Ali Zafar speak about investing their everything in studios in Pakistan, when the industry comes together for Shaukat Khanum fundraisers - it is not just philantrophy they are after - we want to build our own infrastructure, something we have done quite well. Coke Studio is mainly reflecting modern day Pakistan. The show may have gone overboard once or twice but largely, it's loved because it depicts us and that's why it draws all the flak on Twitter and YouTube when it starts sounding Bollywood-ish. We may consume Bollywood but we do love our own identity and this sentiment has never been as strong as now.

I may be ranting here but truly, this is something I and countless of my friends have noticed about the Pakistan of today. I have lived abroad for the last 7 years in different countries and every time I go home (which to me is always Pakistan), after every 6 months or an year, I am struck by the national fervour and great progress there. All of this may have escaped my notice had I been living in Pakistan but I and my friends all react in a similar way when we are in Pakistanfor a visit or are freshly back. There is such a sense of belonging even in people who wish to get a foreign passport - you can never really "un-Pakistan" yourself, not that I would ever wish to. This never ceases to amaze me. What is it about today's main stream Pakistan that evokes such love, such pride, such passion? I don't know the answer but I do know about my racing heart while I write these words and this only means that I am desperately in love with my homeland

So  my dear Indian friends or any one who cares to listen: we are not being "in your face" when we celebrate the "sound of the nation". We are just celebrating ourselves and our lighter side. You see our warmth, our joy and our pride. You see a face of mainstream Pakistan that is very much real. It's not directed at any one else - it is a personal reminder that we are good. Yes, we can be better but we love ourselves as we are, flawed but loveable and anything that is our very own.

Dedicated to the "Sohni dharti" I very much love.

Dr. Faroha Liaqat

http://avoiceforislam.blogspot.com

Struggles with Self!

There are days and times when you just want OUT, although there is a question mark over what "Out" is. It seems to be one of those days when I am bone-tired - tired of rising up to people's expectations, tired of fighting, tired of the hypocrisy that surrounds us, of the double standards that disgust me. I know all of us feel this tiredness some time or the other when we feel weighed down by too many things and want some real quiet and peace. I feel on the verge of tears and these are not tears of sadness but of exhaustion. I have this overwhelming desire of being understood and this indescribable feeling of isolation from even the closest of friends. It is as if I am looking at my own life cynically as an outsider and thoroughly disapproving of the person I have become or the situations I lead myself into. 

This is weird. I see it all, I understand the reasons and I am utterly defeated by my own headstrong self. I often wonder what made me build so many walls around myself, walls that others have tried hard to scale and failed. This is a struggle with my own self and an increasingly futile one. Parallel to this is an even greater struggle - a struggle to come to terms with the mad world I see around me. I used to think that Pakistan suffers from this problem of duplicity and double standards but how wrong I was! It is every where in the world and to a much larger extent in some places. I fail to come to terms with a world where double standards are the norm, dishonesty disguised as tact is the order of the day and morality is looked down upon.

 I was never a fan of capitalism and I see where it has brought our societies but I am always saddened by the pull money has on even the best of people. I do not underestimate the importance of money but is this every thing? I think not! What is richness? An excess of money or a satisfaction with life, a peace with being, family, enough for necessities of life, love, care or even the smile of a child? The answer is clear to me but I am afraid that I am the minority in this increasingly materialistic world.

There are words and thoughts waiting to burst out of me but they fail at my lips. I have no shortage of friends - indeed, I am one of the luckiest people when it comes to friendship- but somehow writing becomes my solace. I have now come to the point where I think none can understand the dpeth of my feelings except Allah. To Him alone, I don't need to say anything -He knows without being told and pours balm into my wounds. Faith is my saviour when the world threatens to tear me apart.

Dr. Faroha Liaqat

http://avoiceforislam.blogspot.com

To be or not to be!

There are times in life when you have had enough - enough of trying to be strong, enough of confirming to an image of a successful, independent, strong-minded woman - jis ko hum Urdu mai kehte hain k "bas" ho gai hai. I know being a feminist is the "in" thing these days and I do support woman rights and all that but seriously, I get tired of being strong and independent-minded. Usually, there is nothing I would want more than being home with the people I most love, in the country that runs in my blood and  all the politically correct feminist thinking can go to the rubbish heap. It's a curious phenomenon. People never tire of telling me how they admire me and how successful and brilliant I am. I sigh and listen in silence but I can not help wondering whether I am too thankless or just aching for things that really matter. 

Life is not a story of black and whites, to-haves and goals to achieve. It's more like a road with pitfalls, smooth rides, flowers along the way and pebbles under the feet but one thing is permanent - change. It is not monotonous - that would be boring - but it is also not about reaching destinations. There is no outward destination - all that talk about achieving this and that is all very well but not what really matters. What matters is how happy you are along the way and how much you explore your inner self and come to peace with the ultimate truth. 

Every one of us has a unique story and a unique relationship with Allah. There are no hard and fast rules. Some things may come easy to some people and others may keep aching for them. I have found that if you ask people, almost all of them would say they have problems or they want something they have been unable to get. Satisfaction is not the strong point of humans. Nevertheless, I always wonder at this strange phenomenon of comparative success - what is success for one can be nothing but superficiality to the other.

The curious thing is that although I know about these things, have seen plenty of people of all types going through various phases in life; have seen people changing in unimaginable ways; have seen prayers come true in unexpected ways and yet, there are times I despair. Not of the mercy of God - no, never of that as I am sure that Allah's mercy overpowers His anger - but of how long it is possible to keep up a charade, of being strong, happy-go-lucky, brilliant and someone who you are not when all you want is to melt in the crowd, to be the girl next door.

Keeping appearances is hard and it isolates you from people. There are very, very few people who can actually look through the smoke and see the real you and value you as who you are. The others are just taken in by the flash and brilliance and you go on trying to be what people take you to be. It can be very exhausting. Only Allah knows hearts and I am glad, because if someone were to know what mine holds now, they would be overwhelmed by the intensity of emotions.

Faroha Liaqat

http://avoiceforislam.blogspot.com

Life changing decisions

Sometimes, we are led to make decisions in life without actually knowing why we did so. I feel exactly like that now. Relocation to a new country, thousand of miles from home, is a big decision. In my case, it was a huge decision -very difficult- and yet I made it without turning a brow! Why, I often wonder? I didn't want to move; I didn't want to leave Pakistan once again - a place that lives in my heart wherever I am. More than any thing, I did not want to leave the love, care and peace that came from being with people closest to me, who were my own. Yet I relocated to UK despite not wanting it. Why, I wonder?
The only answer that comes up is that I did so because I was meant to do it. Now, people may say this is an extremely fatalistic attitude and I agree- I am a fatalist. I have learnt long ago that sometimes, one has to go with the flow despite reservations because fighting with fate brings nothing but disappointment. Now that I am here, in a strange city full of unknown people - a city where I have no friends or even acquaintances - I am full of unhappiness and restlessness but strangely, no doubts. I am sure that Allah will make it work. There was a reason that I came here and possibly I will get to know it later in life, but for now, I trust Allah with my life and I believe that Allah never breaks your trust. In a city where I have no friends, I take Allah as my friend and then, everything is up to Him. I realize now what it is to be alone and feel at times like this how great is Allah's friendship. He never leaves us and He never stops listening. That's the only thing that cheers me now. So, I trust in this love and try to make a new life once again in another part of the world. Fi Amaan-i- Allah.

Faroha Liaqat
http://avoiceforislam.blogspot.com

Being different!

I sometimes wonder about the burden of being different - different in the sense of having the courage to make your own path instead of following the mainstream- different because your life follows a pattern that is not the norm. It does not mean at all that the norm is not good; I often think that most of the people leading average, ordinary lives exactly like their neighbors, colleagues, friends are often the happiest and the most satisfied. It is a blessing in a way to be doing what others are doing, to be leading a life where familiar patterns occur, to be in the mainstream.
It takes a lot of toll on one not to be a  part of the mainstream, to be always carving a narrow road for yourself that has not been trodden before. It makes one wonder what is wrong with oneself; why it has to happen in a different way but I have learnt now that this is one of the things that fate decides rather than us. There are some people to whom things happen, whose lives are full of dramas or experiences which are not common and they can do nothing about this. It is a sort of path one is forced to follow.
I am not sure if I am making myself very clear here or as to why I am writing this, probably to get out frustration about the whole poetry of it. Many people would say it's a blessing to be different, to be carving your own niche, to be leading life in a way that's not boring and I would agree with them for the most. However, I frequently wonder how burdensome it is in our society, how one constantly faces challenges and questions just because one happened to be having a different education, career, travel plans, life incidents and so on. It's a constant struggle to confirm to expected standards and discover in vain that this is not to be. We do not decide how our life shapes up, Allah does it for us. We do not decide our Rizk, relationships or place of residence - they choose us and I again find that nothing buut acceptance and faith in Allah will soothe a fluttering heart. In Allah, so we trust.

Dr. Faroha Liaqat
http://avoiceforislam.blogspot.com

The Pakistani Society - the good, the bad and the ugly

Let me be very clear at the start - this is not a post thrashing Pakistan and its people. I could never dream of doing it. This post mainly invites the Pakistani people to introspect and look at how we are evolving as a society - perhaps this introspection could make some of us strive for betterment.

Writing, for me, always comes out of frustration. These words are a means by which I get rid of the demons tearing me apart and these days, I am being increasingly bothered by the crass attitudes of many people in our society. Not to forget, Pakistan boasts of some of the nicest, friendly and hospitable people I have ever encountered. Our society is full of people who offer help, advice, support without any ulterior motive.This is what separates us from the West - I have lived long enough there to witness the self-centered behavior and the consumerism of the Western society. I always longed to be back among my own people, where one is never short of shoulders to cry on, help that comes out of the blue, a coherent family structure and an abundance of love.

Let's come to the frustrating part now. Sometimes, we in the Pakistani society, take our interference in others' affairs too far and the sky is the limit for many of us. I am sure each of us has encountered nosy "aunties" inquiring about your personal affairs, "uncles" who provide advice with thinly veiled disapproval, women who are jealous of another woman's success, men who think a girl who knows her mind and is vocal about views is to be looked down upon. The cutting point is that all of this is done in the name of Islam. I mean, seriously! The Islam I know does not allow jealousy, envy, hatred and backbiting. The Islam I know does not count prayers as much as it values your honesty, truthfulness and a pure heart. Do we forget that it is not our bodies, glittering jewels and fine clothes that impress Allah but it is our pure heart and Imaan that Allah values? What kind of a society are we turning into? A society that is blindly following Western consumerism on one hand and ultra conservatism on the other? Have we forgotten the importance of striking a balance between Deen and Duniya? Why do I witness so many hypocrites around - people who do not tire of preaching a set of values they do not practice?

I am not talking about the Mullahs. I am talking about the normal people- educated people like us who have such double standards. I am not angered but hurt- deeply hurt - by the things I am seeing very frequently all around since I have returned to Pakistan. I was never one to be impressed by appearances but I am amazed at how important the exterior - beauty, wealth, status, job, money - has become for us. People do not tire of saying how important manners, education, character, truth and honesty are but they will never prefer these characteristics in real life in a poor and average looking person. I am also a part of the same society and I am disgusted at what we are fast becoming. Thankfully, I dislike consumerism; I still abhor a false character and lies; I still value character over money but I wonder for how long? I fear about the impact of this society on our lives and I am disturbed at the careless, unfeeling attitude of the people around. It hurts me to see people who have one standard for others and a different moral standard for themselves. Things like this make me hopeless. It gets stifling sometimes and I wish we evolve as a society in the way Islam defines a perfect, moral human being - just, honest, truthful, patient, tolerant and helping.

I wish I could end at a cheerful note but it's just one of those days when a weight bears down upon my soul. I am sure this world is full of nice and kind people - I just wish we have some more.

Dr. Faroha Liaqat
http://avoiceforislam.blogspot.com

Wonder and Thankfulness

For the first time that I have wanted to write in a while, I am not writing a blog with a heavy heart. A heavy heart somehow gets lightened by getting those thoughts out on paper as words which keep bothering us. However, this is not the case with this post; these words are written with a grateful heart , perhaps with a touch of wonder. Wonder, at the way things unfold in life. Amazement, at the way prayers are listened to and thankfulness, at how Allah takes us out of distress when we see no way out.
This is not to say that life is without its fair share of trials and tribulations. Hard times are a part and parcel of life and are necessary for a person's emotional and spiritual growth. Problems keep on coming but what keeps me going through them is perhaps a deep belief in the love that Allah has for its creation. I have never been disappointed in Allah whenever I have asked Him for something. It has nothing to do with me; rather, I always think about this in wonder and look back with thankfulness in my heart.
I don't know why I am writing these words. They won't mean much to any one except me but perhaps, they may serve as a message of hope to people who are going through hard times and keep wondering about these trials and taking them as punishments. This is just an answer to all those people who think like I did; why me? The answer is simple. Trials are not an obstacle but a step onto a higher platform. Allah does not burden us beyond our capability and Allah does not leave us. One thing is for certain: whether times are good or hard, they do not stay. What stays is a belief in Allah, an ever-growing belief in His mercy. He does listen to prayers and He does have a plan for us. Things take their own sweet time to get right and when they do, they may not be in a way that we wanted. BUT they are in a way that Allah decides for us. As Mumtaz Mufti used to say, "mannay mai bara sukh hai". We must accept and with acceptance, comes peace.

Faroha Liaqat
http://avoiceforislam.blogspot.com

A story of hope vs desperation

Sometimes, life brings us to a point of utter desperation, when every thing seems to be going wrong. It is not only a perception but Murphy's law becomes a reality. I read about it in "Peer-e-Kamil" as well when Salaar Sikander was completely and truly humiliated, frustrated and desperate when he asked Allah for mercy. I have seen it in real life many times. I know well enough that such times are tests, severe in intensity, hard to bear but they inevitably end and happier times follow. In fact, the happiness that follows is much bigger in intensity. I know all this and it's a very strange feeling; this knowledge that whatever is happening is due to a reason and is a test, not a punishment, not an aazmaish. I find solace in the Quranic verse "Verily, after hardship is relief". I know that Allah takes great tests of the people He loves; the stronger the faith, the greater the trial. I know precisely the bigger reason of such instances: God testing our faith and increasing it; looking at our patience and seeing if we complain or accept. Still, sometimes despite all such knowledge, it becomes hard to bear and desperation sets in and starts killing hope.
Losing hope is one of the worst things that can happen to human beings. It takes every thing away with it and everything appears bleak. What I love about Islam is its inherent message of hope, always hoping for Allah's mercy, always asking for His forgiveness, always thinking that He knows us and looks inside our hearts. I have a firm belief that Allah never turns away one who seeks Him and asks Him. I firmly believe in a God that loves. Allah's mercy overpowers His anger and in times of hopelessness when nothing makes sense, this makes perfect sense to me. I feel Him looking into my heart and overpowering me with His mercy.
We, humans, have ups and downs, passions and failures and a life that is not always fair. I have stopped wondering long ago about the apparent inequality of hardships borne by good and not so good people. I have long accepted that sometimes, it is better to let go and not try to understand. One day, it all makes sense. Allah jo chahta hai, us me raazi ho jana chahiye, is me bara sukh hai. It is not giving up; it is just putting down our burden and giving it up to God.I have long since learnt that the road to achieving Deen lies through terrible hardships and there is just no shortcut. The best way to is through it. Pain and suffering have the ability of bringing out the best in us. Like a washing machine wrings and spins clothes, hardships shuffle us and clean us through and through, provided we look at it this way.
I find no other way of looking at it. This is the only perceptive that offers hope and redemption. True, it is hard but when did calm seas ever make skilled sailors?
So, keeping my faith and love for Allah in my heart, I walk with closed eyes on a path full of stones, believing that I will come out in light sooner or later.

Faroha Liaqat
http://avoiceforislam.blogspot.com

A step into the unknown

I do not know if it is only me who feels this restlessness about the unknown sometimes. I have always admired people who seem to be able to move from one episode of their life to the next with perfect ease. It is not as if I have not done it myself; I have also frequently taken the plunge but not without any trepidation and misgivings of what comes next. Whether it is moving to university, going to a different country or just meeting new people, I simply can not get rid of the nagging doubts and worries. I feel that the people who do not worry frequently enjoy their life the most.

That restlessness is upon me again. The idea of change has always filled me with foreboding but I know change is necessary. One of my German professors said a very meaningful thing to me last August. He told me that it is necessary to complete one thing before starting on a new phase. An end signifies not only the end, but a beginning as well. The simple statement touched me and allayed some of my fears. I know it would seem very trivial to someone but sometimes in our lives, all of us are afraid of what the future holds. For the past few years, I have kept telling myself that every thing will turn out to be for the best, that I trust Allah and Allah will help me overcome all the obstacles. I was never let down in my belief and this is what holds me together now when I stare into the darkness and make myself ready to walk into it, perhaps through it to light.

Faroha Liaqat
http://avoiceforislam.blogspot.com

The old-world charm

It is one of those days when the old world charm of books and period dramas have come to haunt me. Haunt is a wrong word, perhaps. I should rather say I am enchanted with the world of Jane Austen and Charles Dickens. I feel the pull generations have felt before me, of the pleasures of classics. Recently, I chanced to watch BBC adaptations of Dicken's and Austen. "Bleak House" haunted me and left me with the sweetness of unselfish life. I was mesmerized with the haughty demeanor of Lady Deadlock and the constancy of Dr Woodhouse. And then I came across BBC's "Pride and Prejudice", 1995 version. All my love for the book returned. I was transferred to a world so, so different from ours. I was enamored by Mr Darcy's attitude and Elizabeth's playfulness. "Sense and Sensibility" pulled at my heart strings. I dug up all the period dramas and kept watching and lost count of time.
I admit that these are not the times when people love classics; it is more the age of Fast and Furious. However, I can't help wondering if we have lost some of the old world charm, the small pleasures, the calmness and serenity, the depth of feeling? I may be a hopeless romantic but seeing period dramas and reading classics make me long for a little more substance in this present world of ours. I fear passions are superficial and not long lasting usually (or at least this is what I see around or we see in movies and television as well as in real life). I believe the quality of  integrity and principles do not hold a place in today's world that honors money and beauty more than character. I wish dearly that more people would take the trouble to read not only the present works but the masterpieces of old. Reading opens the mind and takes you to a  world different from ours.
These sound like the ravings of a hopeless  romantic but believe me, we would all do well to retain some good things from the past :)

Faroha Liaqat
http://avoiceforislam.blogspot.com

Light?

Today, I remember again and again the words from Umaira Ahmed's novel, Peer-e-Kamil.
 "Zindagi mai kabhi na kabhi hum us maqaam par aa jatay hain jahan saaray rishte khatam ho jatay hain, jahan sirf hum hotay hain aur Allah hota hai"....
I feel like I am at that point today, when I feel myself curiously removed from every thing, from life around me. It's as if life's passing itself by me and I am a disinterested onlooker. This apathy, this disinterestedness, this cold attitude is more disturbing to me than tears and anger. It makes me think something has died somewhere inside me and it won't ever come back.
Out of all this gloom, then comes the thought; that God brings to life from death. I know the answer but the endless questions frustrates me also. Aagahi is a very painful thing; the hurt kills you, yet you know you will come out alive at the other end stronger and better. It is only God who can give life after death, hope after despair and ease after hardship. And it is only the light of God that sustains and strengthens us. The pain may be necessary now but there will be healing at the end.

Faroha Liaqat
http://avoiceforislam.blogspot.com

End of the road?

I do not know how often people come to crossroads or dead-ends in their life; they seem to be really frequent in mine. A travel fatigue is building up in me and now, I feel like giving up. I am really exhausted and drained, of hoping against hope, of fighting tooth and nail for small things which come to other people so easily. Really, I have come so often close to despair so many times and always one thing holds me back; this Ayah that says, 'Do not despair of the mercy of Allah' (Quran, 39:53). May be it is Allah's way of bringing people to Him. We always turn to God when we are in the dark depths of depression. It is at times like this when I feel that how small and helpless we are and how Great is Allah! Maybe Allah brings everyone to this impasse some time in their life. All I can say is..........and see, the words end here. I am speechless!

However, there is nothing else to do but to hope. I believe very strongly that good things do come eventually to good people. I believe that there is ease after every hardship, as Allah has said in the Holy Quran (94:6). I have learnt in life that time, whether good or bad, never stays forever. So, I trust in Allah and believe He will show me the way out of nowhere. And truly, Allah is Great!

If wishes were horses!

Life seems to move in circles, or at least for me it does. Travelling in circles takes you forward only by inches but more frequently than not, you end up being in the same position. Frustrating, yes! but there is no way one could get around this game of shadows. I am so sick of it; I see the pattern and yet I fail to decipher it. Today seems to be one of those days when it's nice and sunny outside but still, every thing seems to be still, isolated, silent. I feel the force of the subdued emotions inside me again. I sense the rebellion that may come any time from within but I lack the spirit to fight today. I am just too tired of submitting meekly, too far from home and loved ones, and the anger burns me inside out.I crave for the familiar surroundings of home, my mother's voice calling for me, the fun with my sister, the small quarrels and the easy acceptance of friends. But, if wishes were horses!

What's missing?

Writing is always such a blessing; it makes my heavy-heartedness go away. That's why I always turn to it when I feel overburdened with the impact of my own feelings.

It must be something in the air that makes me so restless. So hot and still during the day and so balmy in the evening. Even this weather transition has done nothing to cure me of this emptiness. This loneliness gnaws at my heart and threatens to tear it in pieces. I long for my friends and my family with whom I can be myself. I wish for their understanding and the ease with which I can tell them what's bothering me. I am disturbed by this silence. Europe may have many pleasures and attractions but one of its biggest disadvantage is the loneliness it offers to every one. The fast life doesn't make you realize it what a key component of happiness in life is missing here but it becomes apparent as soon as any time is available.

I wish I was in Islamabad right now, thinking of who to talk to and who not to. I wish for that comfort of sharing the beautiful weather in silence with people I love so much. I appreciate now the small things that make life so beautiful because I don't have them now. I can not be complete without the sense of belonging and love that comes from being in Islamabad. I remember the times I used to see the falling rain with my sister through the window and inhale the fresh air. I remember the walks I took in spring last year. It is spring again and I miss it so much. Birds also chirp here, the weather is beautiful, the air is balmy but there is no happiness. What is spring when the heart craves for some "apnapan", some belonging, some real carefree happiness?

I know that it is necessary to move on and one has to loose a great deal to earn much. Still, it makes me wonder why on earth it has to be so? I remember Faiz again this evening " Sar e koye nashanayian, hamay din se raat karna. Kabhi is se baat karna, akbhi us se baat karna"....

I have no words that could describe this intense feeling. I stand on the balcony, look over at the glimmering city lights and the river in the distance and an think of only one thing. I miss the people I love.

Faroha Liaqat
http://avoiceforislam.blogspot.com

Speechless

After a long time today, this silence has moved me. I don't know what is it, the quiet summer day outside or the sound of the birds chirping through the windows or something inside me that has moved me to this introspection. Whatever it is,I feel deeply moved,so much so that I am overwhelmed, close to tears of thankfulness and in bewilderment at the folding events. It is so strange; seemingly I have been moving in no direction whatsoever for the past few years and yet there are patterns that have made me move forward and come to where I am now.It can be no other thing than fate; it can be God only who has put some sense in all of this randomness.
I remember writing a post about life two years back, about how life seems to be unfair but God isn't,about how life makes you come to a point when it makes you see it has given everything back to you what it once  took from you.I am at such a point in my life. Whatever fears I had have been taken away, whatever I thought impossible has happened,prayers have been answered and wishes have come true,all when I had lost all hope. How great is God!
These ramblings may make no sense to any one but I know no other way to express something that I am feeling so intensely. I am so much in awe of what I have witnessed in life recently that it has somehow increased my faith, proved to me what I had always believed, that there is a God and He answers prayers and He is the Healer.
 I don't know how I can say thank you to ALLAH. I know I fail God daily but He has never failed me. Right now,I just have this heartfelt emotion and this deep wish of being blessed further.
Maybe I am just writing to let my feelings flow, to share when I can talk with no one.Maybe it's this loneliness right now that has compelled me to write today after so many months. I feel it much more today when there is no one I could share with; this silence has made me realize things I didn't have time to think of before.

Maybe I just want to tell that there s a method to this madness called life. Whatever it is, it doesn't mean I have understood it.I still feel like moving in circles, I still have got no clue to the mystery of life, I still am directionless, I fear for what is going to happen. I don't know lots of things but I have learned to trust God.His mercy overrides His anger. Aur tum apnay Rab ki kaun kaun si Naimaton ko jhutlao gay.

Faroha Liaqat
www.avoiceforislam.blogspot.com

Do miracles really happen?

Why is life sometimes so very difficult to understand? There are periods  in life which seem to be like fairy tales,  when every thing goes on smoothly, when wishes come true, when dreams are realized, when even the deepest desires of your heart are fulfilled even without yourself realizing that this was what you desired. This is the time when impossible becomes possible, when life is great, when the sun shines and when truly, life is beautiful. Even then, I fail, sometimes, to understand why is it so? Why do sometimes everything is going your way and in the midst of it all, you suddenly realize that it really isn't. It just seems to be.
      And yet again, sometimes, you are weighed down by the realization that you cannot, simply cannot, make your life go in any direction you want it to go to, when you realize that what you wish for is impossible, that miracles don't happen anymore, that you are just like a child wishing for the moon. Often the two opposite phases of bliss and despair follow closely together. I must confess that it baffles me; it really does. I simply canot make sense out of it all.
     I realize now that stories we read in books, see in movies or hear about and that we laugh off as a work of fiction, actually are quite real to some people like us. It is hard to accept when it's happening to yourself. you feel as if you are going through certain acts in a drama in slow motion and the curtain may fall anytime.
     I don't know if all these ramblings are making sense to anyone at all but they do not make any sense to me at least. At times like these, I am inclined to wish for a simple existence, of a life free of drama, a life that is dull and peaceful. I tend to believe that in times like these, we are simply not masters of our life. It eludes us; it is God who makes us go one way when all we wish for is the other one round the corner. It is, simply, fate.
   Resignation is what will bring peace of mind. I want to throw the cards down and give up.

Faroha Liaqat.
http://avoiceforislam.blogspot.com