I don't know why is it so but sometimes flashes from our past come back to haunt us. Sometimes, despite knowing how every thing turned out to be good eventually, one can't get rid of the wish that what if it was different, what if it had happened as we wanted, what if we could go back now and unsay words and undo actions? What if! Regrets, regrets!
Tonight is one such night when suddenly loneliness has assaulted me. Despite having so many good friends and a good life, Alhamdulillah, I feel there is something missing. It seems like there are so few people in my life right now who really understand me. I wish to be myself, to talk my heart out, to stop caring about the norms and cease being a nice girl for a short while. I am tired of it. I am tired of the pretense, of the struggle to bury myself within the high walls I have built around myself. I wish someone would break in and understand and see through me. It would be such a relief.
It's such a curious feeling when people praise you for being what you are not and all the time you are politely listening and wondering secretly, why can't they see? Or usually the opposite may happen. People blame you for thoughts and actions that are not yours. Both scenarios are equally frustrating because they are not true. Truth is such a blessing. It takes off the burden and brings relaxation. Sadly, there are few people who are ready to live with the truth of a person having deep passions and flaws. One cannot always be an angel. Being human is all about a balance between virtues and vices. I wish for some understanding; the superficial societal norms are sometimes too much to bear.
Faroha Liaqat
http://avoiceforislam.blogspot.com
Awesome Write-up, Faroha
ReplyDeleteFaroha, do you write for newspaper/magazines as well ?
ReplyDeleteU have so much frustration inside. I can see there are so much strings tied to u which pull u, give u a jerk- each uncertainity, each contingency gives u a jerk.
ReplyDeleteImagine if all these strings break-there will be unlimited peace.
U may call it internal peace...but how can it be achieved.
I saw a dream several yrs back which explained why prayers is essential.
It is a spritual mechanism. Do u know whn a magnet is hammered it looses its megnatism. but to magnetise it again u have to rub another magnet on it in a single direction.
Similar is with us believers. When the strings of mundane ucertainties pull us and give us a jerk, our sprituality gets a bit demagnetised each time, each time making us forget that the worldly things are just shadows. It makes us forget reality gradually. Till world things start to give us suffecient frustration and pain.
The only way to stay in reality is praying five time. Standing in one direction and thinking nothing but Allah magnetizes us again.
Unlimited peace.
I am writing several comments because I too was in such dilemmas as u r, n most importantly I am writing coz i think u will read n unstand and they will benifit u.
P.S. Never repeat a blunder in life. never means never
@Daniyal
ReplyDeleteNo, I do not write for any paper. I just do it when I feel like it
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comments. I like to get a feedback and I specially appreciate it if someone takes out their time to write.
I agree with you about the rubbing of magnets and the similarity to the ways Allah bring us back to Him. I have often thought about it. It is quite strange how God pulls you back to Him when we are slipping away due to our everyday activities or any other reason and I think it is a blessing in disguise. It may be a very hard time for us but it is necessary.
Well, I do not have so much frustration frequently and I write blogs only when I feel frustrated. You can see the gap between the posts. I think writing is an unburdening of the soul. Of course, praying is the best remedy because you are laying your soul bare before the One who actually counts.