What's missing?

Writing is always such a blessing; it makes my heavy-heartedness go away. That's why I always turn to it when I feel overburdened with the impact of my own feelings.

It must be something in the air that makes me so restless. So hot and still during the day and so balmy in the evening. Even this weather transition has done nothing to cure me of this emptiness. This loneliness gnaws at my heart and threatens to tear it in pieces. I long for my friends and my family with whom I can be myself. I wish for their understanding and the ease with which I can tell them what's bothering me. I am disturbed by this silence. Europe may have many pleasures and attractions but one of its biggest disadvantage is the loneliness it offers to every one. The fast life doesn't make you realize it what a key component of happiness in life is missing here but it becomes apparent as soon as any time is available.

I wish I was in Islamabad right now, thinking of who to talk to and who not to. I wish for that comfort of sharing the beautiful weather in silence with people I love so much. I appreciate now the small things that make life so beautiful because I don't have them now. I can not be complete without the sense of belonging and love that comes from being in Islamabad. I remember the times I used to see the falling rain with my sister through the window and inhale the fresh air. I remember the walks I took in spring last year. It is spring again and I miss it so much. Birds also chirp here, the weather is beautiful, the air is balmy but there is no happiness. What is spring when the heart craves for some "apnapan", some belonging, some real carefree happiness?

I know that it is necessary to move on and one has to loose a great deal to earn much. Still, it makes me wonder why on earth it has to be so? I remember Faiz again this evening " Sar e koye nashanayian, hamay din se raat karna. Kabhi is se baat karna, akbhi us se baat karna"....

I have no words that could describe this intense feeling. I stand on the balcony, look over at the glimmering city lights and the river in the distance and an think of only one thing. I miss the people I love.

Faroha Liaqat
http://avoiceforislam.blogspot.com