The curse of intelligence!

Strange, right! How can intelligence be a curse? It's the most sought after and admired thing in the world. Intelligence is money, right?

True. Very true. But let's look at it in one other way. Being intelligent also means you are acutely self-aware and self-awareness can be a curse. It tells you exactly what you want and how you want it.  That is a good thing but when you move from the professional to the social and emotional sphere, you are basically moving into grey areas. Society demands compromises - on principles, in relations, in friendships, basically everywhere. And when you are so acutely self-aware of the motives of other people; when you know why people are being nice to you and what they actually want is for you to fall down bare-faced into the sand, and yet you have to play your cards well and compromise - that's where intelligence sucks. It would be good if you cannot see so clearly past the facade but you do. It would be great if for once, you can actually believe some nice things people say to you. But in general, deep down you know only too well that this is all a terrific charade. And that's how intelligence can make you lonely. You disconnect from people and become emotionally detached. You tend to see everything that's happening to you from a third person's point of view. You cannot connect to people because you feel they cannot understand your thought processes, but strangely enough people connect to you.

This may all read like terribly self-propping and egoistic but that is not my intention in writing this. My intention is solely to point out that great creativity and intelligence is also accompanied by terrible loneliness. I have always thought that being average is a great blessing in life. Your life follows a certain path and is easier. But to be always the odd one out, to be always carving your own path and thinking your own thoughts - thinking without a pause, so much so that the mind starts hurting - that can weary your soul. It is a double-edged sword. You cut yourself as you cut through the obstacles in life. By the time you reach the end of your journey, the pain stops feeling like pain. Some burdens are meant to be carried by some people - fate chooses them for it. If you are the odd one out, I wish you luck and strength. Pray, because only faith can give you the courage to reach the end line.

Dr. Faroha Liaqat

http://avoiceforislam.blogspot.com

Miracles

Do you believe in miracles? I do. I have seen some, I have been amazed by the way events unfold. Life is unpredictable and sometimes, beautifully so. And after years, I find myself facing another miracle. Uncertain but a miracle for sure.

I keep thinking, are coincidences a thing or are things meant to happen in a certain way? Are we really going to come face to face with our destiny on the road we take to avoid it? Some things are too amazing to be pure chances - perhaps they are meant to happen.

People keep telling me everyone has a difficult life - you are no special. They are right, but then perhaps we all  are tried according to our individual tolerance limit. Life throws us so many questions sometimes and in my current philosophical mood, I tend to think that sometimes we have no answers. The answer rests with Allah only.

I am reminded again of the Ayat " Aur jaan rakho k Allah tumharay aur tumharay dil k beech me aa jata hai". So true, so true.

I feel keenly today the insignificance of my existence in this vast universe. We are nothing, NOTHING. Dust to dust. Nothing more, nothing less.

Dr. Faroha Liaqat
http://avoiceforislam.blogspot.com

I am a humanist; is it too much to ask for my rights?

So let's get this straight right at the start. I am not a feminist but I am a strong, independent, highly educated, intelligent young woman. I am a humanist. Period. Why is it so hard for some people, or may I say a large number of people, to accept this?

I am not here to rant against men - I would rather speak up against attitudes that some men and women have. This has nothing to do with Trump being elected as President of the United States, though that is an example of how sexism and bigotry is a norm almost everywhere. I used to think the West may not have such problems but the longer I lived there, the more I realized that people and trends are the same regardless of location. Men simply do not like strong, independent women who also happen to be successful. Of course, this problem can be disguised or suppressed in the developed world mainly due to a culture of political correctness, discrimination laws, equality and diversity, etc etc. The developing world has some of these laws but none of the enforcement. Result: a grossly misogynistic culture where a successful, single, independent, strong woman has to be suspected because she is such an anomaly in a patriarchal society.

I may be feeling the effects of reverse cultural shock. My years in Europe may have changed my thinking. I may be too highly educated and have a high moral compass. But there are many other men and women like me. What I don't get is when these educated people show similar orthodox tendencies. Why are women such enemies of their own sex? Why do men see an intelligent woman with a mind of her own as a threat? Why is being traditionally conservative a virtue and originality of thought a sin?

I realize that the world is not black and white; there are good people everywhere. I am just writing about tendencies which are there, despite decades of progress and education. I despair sometimes of these prevailing attitudes, though I see a silver lining through the clouds. Either I am a misfit in a traditional society which I choose to call home and love despite its faults or I am too naive to admit that some things just don't change. It does not matter if a woman is intelligent enough to beat most of her contemporaries - she is still a woman and is expected to compromise and bow out of the race or at least accept that she will not win. There is nothing wrong with preferring family over any thing else - indeed, I do it myself. But it does hurt when you are judged solely on this ability and you see men of much less ability being able to get away with almost every thing.

As I said, I am a humanist. I believe in a balance of rights regardless of gender, location, ethnicity, faith, etc. It is clearly too much to ask in Pakistan. I will always be judged on my age, sex, family status, ability to compromise, etc and not on my capabilities, intelligence, efficiency. If I am in the West, I will probably be sidelined in a few places because I am not white, a Muslim, an outsider and a woman who follows her faith. There are too many stereotypes and too many fault lines and there are days when this oppresses my spirit. However, a fighter fights his/her way through and I am a fighter and a rebel. Always have been, always will be.

Dr. Faroha Liaqat

http://avoiceforislam.blogspot.com

Pakistani Society: Morals vs Materialism

Sometimes I wonder what kind of a people we are turning into? By "we", I mean the Pakistanis in particular. Make no mistake - I love my country, absolutely love it and there is no place that gives me more happiness. However, I am sometimes amazed at the recent change in the attitude of the youth here. So much materialism, so little value for character! I belong to the same generation and yet I find such a widely different viewpoint in most people few years younger to me. Maybe my years of travelling abroad and living in Europe have made me wiser - some would say I have become an idealist. However, as the years pass, character and morals become more and more important to me. I am not swayed by materialistic things as easily as I see many people affected around me and it saddens me greatly.

I have left a job in UK recently because it made me unhappy - miserable even -and I felt Pakistan was calling. This was a step that I don't think many people would have taken but I made the gamble. Back in Pakistan now, I am dismayed by people's attitudes - all they want is to move abroad, by hook or by crook. I do understand the lure of foreign lands, prosperity and travel but what saddens me is the extent to which people are willing to go to achieve their ends. There is no decency in any argument unfortunately and God forbid if a girl chooses to argue! The older generation was more polite - the current one is losing manners (not all, I hope).

I do not regret my decision to be back for now but I do wonder about the future. Travelling changes you and places change you. I am a very different person than the innocent, shy girl who ventured abroad to study 7, 8 years ago. I think independently and have strong opinions; I value character and honesty; and I hate hyprocrisy and duplicity - something that made my workplace miserable for me in UK. I see a lot of duplicity around me. I don't understand the need of invoking Islam at every point when you don't let the Deen seep through to your heart. If faith doesn't make you a better human, you are a lost soul and there is no need to pretend otherwise. Maybe it's just been a week and I would change again, though I am very much afraid to be disillusioned by the changing place that is Pakistan nowadays. Progress is good but it need not be at the expense of decency.

Dr. Faroha Liaqat
http://avoiceforislam.blogspot.com

Coke Studio Pakistan: A Symbol of Our Growing Nationalism

It's been a while since I have written anything and this post is prompted by a recent discussion I had with an Indian music critic of my acquaintance. Naturally, we talked about Coke Studio, a phenomenon that has taken over the Sub-Continent for the last many years but recently more so. My acquaintance pointed out this article to me written in the Express Tribune (http://tribune.com.pk/story/1165475/justice-and-remembrance/ ) and asked my opinion about the growing "misplaced nationalism" (as he called it) in the Pakistanis, giving Coke Studio's recent seasons as an example. I do agree with some parts of this Tribune article due to my thinking that a failure to protect citizens from blatant, senseless murder should not be sold in the garb of sacrifices made for the nation and I am glad that a growing majority of people in Pakistan now speak up about it if Pakistani media discussions are any indication. However, as a Pakistani, I understand and endorse the cause for celebration Pakistanis generally feel for all the good things we have seen emerging in the country in recent times after the turbulent decade we have been through - no matter if these reasons come from arts, music, writings, drama, film or anything distinctly ours, overtly Pakistani.

It is hard to explain to someone who has not seen this himself/herself, as this is a side of mainstream Pakistan rarely reflected in the media. We Pakistanis own our lot with a heart that flows with pride and we celebrate the good news with a fervour that borders on desperation. Coke Studio is a case in point. The nationalism we see being exhibited in Coke Studio is something we see everywhere in Pakistan these days and this is not state-dictated - it is felt and shown by ordinary people, particularly the youth. I do not remember young people from ten years ago wearing their patriotism on their sleeves and celebrating their identity in such a way as now and it warms my heart. This pride and sense of belonging is rampant in the Pakistan of today, from the political rallies of Imran Khan where people from poor to upper middle class to elite backgrounds dance on national anthems; to watching our home grown TV channels, be they news or drama, with Star Plus as a distant memory of the past; to thronging our cinemas to watch mediocre local movies just because they are ours; to our celebration of PSL T20 which had us hooked and screaming in delight; to our wearing of clothing showing anything Pakistani; to grown up men and women crying unashamedly while singing the national anthem in the Qaddafi stadium last year when cricket came home; to our celebrations of any positive news we see about Pakistan.

We are a strange people. I have never seen any other nation laughing at their own mistakes and faults and cursing them as much as we do and at the same time, we are so much in love with our identity. From the discussions with your fruit wallah to your colleagues to friends and family, this "owning our faults and strengths" is such an undercurrent in our conversation. We just love to own anything ours and Coke Studio is a huge symbol of "us", the us we want to show the world, the us that is mainstream. That is why we love it when we see the tagline "Sound of the nation" and well up when we hear "Sohni dharti" and "Raah e Haq". Coke studio is not just catering to the populist sentiment - these feelings are shared by many people in our music and drama industry, a fact that shows itself when stars like Ali Zafar speak about investing their everything in studios in Pakistan, when the industry comes together for Shaukat Khanum fundraisers - it is not just philantrophy they are after - we want to build our own infrastructure, something we have done quite well. Coke Studio is mainly reflecting modern day Pakistan. The show may have gone overboard once or twice but largely, it's loved because it depicts us and that's why it draws all the flak on Twitter and YouTube when it starts sounding Bollywood-ish. We may consume Bollywood but we do love our own identity and this sentiment has never been as strong as now.

I may be ranting here but truly, this is something I and countless of my friends have noticed about the Pakistan of today. I have lived abroad for the last 7 years in different countries and every time I go home (which to me is always Pakistan), after every 6 months or an year, I am struck by the national fervour and great progress there. All of this may have escaped my notice had I been living in Pakistan but I and my friends all react in a similar way when we are in Pakistanfor a visit or are freshly back. There is such a sense of belonging even in people who wish to get a foreign passport - you can never really "un-Pakistan" yourself, not that I would ever wish to. This never ceases to amaze me. What is it about today's main stream Pakistan that evokes such love, such pride, such passion? I don't know the answer but I do know about my racing heart while I write these words and this only means that I am desperately in love with my homeland

So  my dear Indian friends or any one who cares to listen: we are not being "in your face" when we celebrate the "sound of the nation". We are just celebrating ourselves and our lighter side. You see our warmth, our joy and our pride. You see a face of mainstream Pakistan that is very much real. It's not directed at any one else - it is a personal reminder that we are good. Yes, we can be better but we love ourselves as we are, flawed but loveable and anything that is our very own.

Dedicated to the "Sohni dharti" I very much love.

Dr. Faroha Liaqat

http://avoiceforislam.blogspot.com

Struggles with Self!

There are days and times when you just want OUT, although there is a question mark over what "Out" is. It seems to be one of those days when I am bone-tired - tired of rising up to people's expectations, tired of fighting, tired of the hypocrisy that surrounds us, of the double standards that disgust me. I know all of us feel this tiredness some time or the other when we feel weighed down by too many things and want some real quiet and peace. I feel on the verge of tears and these are not tears of sadness but of exhaustion. I have this overwhelming desire of being understood and this indescribable feeling of isolation from even the closest of friends. It is as if I am looking at my own life cynically as an outsider and thoroughly disapproving of the person I have become or the situations I lead myself into. 

This is weird. I see it all, I understand the reasons and I am utterly defeated by my own headstrong self. I often wonder what made me build so many walls around myself, walls that others have tried hard to scale and failed. This is a struggle with my own self and an increasingly futile one. Parallel to this is an even greater struggle - a struggle to come to terms with the mad world I see around me. I used to think that Pakistan suffers from this problem of duplicity and double standards but how wrong I was! It is every where in the world and to a much larger extent in some places. I fail to come to terms with a world where double standards are the norm, dishonesty disguised as tact is the order of the day and morality is looked down upon.

 I was never a fan of capitalism and I see where it has brought our societies but I am always saddened by the pull money has on even the best of people. I do not underestimate the importance of money but is this every thing? I think not! What is richness? An excess of money or a satisfaction with life, a peace with being, family, enough for necessities of life, love, care or even the smile of a child? The answer is clear to me but I am afraid that I am the minority in this increasingly materialistic world.

There are words and thoughts waiting to burst out of me but they fail at my lips. I have no shortage of friends - indeed, I am one of the luckiest people when it comes to friendship- but somehow writing becomes my solace. I have now come to the point where I think none can understand the dpeth of my feelings except Allah. To Him alone, I don't need to say anything -He knows without being told and pours balm into my wounds. Faith is my saviour when the world threatens to tear me apart.

Dr. Faroha Liaqat

http://avoiceforislam.blogspot.com

To be or not to be!

There are times in life when you have had enough - enough of trying to be strong, enough of confirming to an image of a successful, independent, strong-minded woman - jis ko hum Urdu mai kehte hain k "bas" ho gai hai. I know being a feminist is the "in" thing these days and I do support woman rights and all that but seriously, I get tired of being strong and independent-minded. Usually, there is nothing I would want more than being home with the people I most love, in the country that runs in my blood and  all the politically correct feminist thinking can go to the rubbish heap. It's a curious phenomenon. People never tire of telling me how they admire me and how successful and brilliant I am. I sigh and listen in silence but I can not help wondering whether I am too thankless or just aching for things that really matter. 

Life is not a story of black and whites, to-haves and goals to achieve. It's more like a road with pitfalls, smooth rides, flowers along the way and pebbles under the feet but one thing is permanent - change. It is not monotonous - that would be boring - but it is also not about reaching destinations. There is no outward destination - all that talk about achieving this and that is all very well but not what really matters. What matters is how happy you are along the way and how much you explore your inner self and come to peace with the ultimate truth. 

Every one of us has a unique story and a unique relationship with Allah. There are no hard and fast rules. Some things may come easy to some people and others may keep aching for them. I have found that if you ask people, almost all of them would say they have problems or they want something they have been unable to get. Satisfaction is not the strong point of humans. Nevertheless, I always wonder at this strange phenomenon of comparative success - what is success for one can be nothing but superficiality to the other.

The curious thing is that although I know about these things, have seen plenty of people of all types going through various phases in life; have seen people changing in unimaginable ways; have seen prayers come true in unexpected ways and yet, there are times I despair. Not of the mercy of God - no, never of that as I am sure that Allah's mercy overpowers His anger - but of how long it is possible to keep up a charade, of being strong, happy-go-lucky, brilliant and someone who you are not when all you want is to melt in the crowd, to be the girl next door.

Keeping appearances is hard and it isolates you from people. There are very, very few people who can actually look through the smoke and see the real you and value you as who you are. The others are just taken in by the flash and brilliance and you go on trying to be what people take you to be. It can be very exhausting. Only Allah knows hearts and I am glad, because if someone were to know what mine holds now, they would be overwhelmed by the intensity of emotions.

Faroha Liaqat

http://avoiceforislam.blogspot.com